Do You Hate Being Transgender?
I Hate Being Transgender, is a YouTube video that has gone viral with more than 1 million views, with the word “hate” at the center describing the vlogger’s experience. The video features an attractive and modelesque Caucasian young woman named Chloe Arden. Void the title, and perhaps in a public setting, her status as a trans-woman may have gone unnoticed.
Immediately, my conscious mind attempted to place her into one of two categories—not male or female, because on it’s (legalese jargon) face, she was clearly a woman. My mind struggled for a conclusion. Was she a woman transitioning to male? Trans-male formed in a thought bubble as I gave audience to her pangs of womanhood, realizing I had been completely and utterly wrong.
Customarily, she didn’t appear trans-male, whatever custom was, is, or could be. Nevertheless, I continued to watch, and after a few seconds, her reality became clearer to me: a transgender woman (T" target="_blank">male-to-female) was grappling with her existence—her own convictions about what transgender should be, what prospective lovers should learn to embrace, and how 20th-century love would do better without all the ostracization.
For those of you out there that are unfamiliar with what transgender probably means to Chloe, or those navigating their own self-expression and gender identity—for many, it’s like seeing a chiropractor and treating the misalignment of the body. It especially “working out the cramps” in the sexual organs, that for many, cause deep social, sexual, and psychological afflictions that affect their ability to live life happily overtime.
1) boys look at her differently.
In the vlog, she expressed that transgender women have not been given the same respect as ordinary (cis) women as it relates to fashion. How she expresses it, trans-women are given a “free pass” to express themselves provocatively in demeanor and in speech, while clad in suggestive clothing. Contrastly, to Chloe, ordinary women don’t receive the same privilege. When cis-women are dressed provocatively, men seem to demoralize them with words like “slutty,” but such descriptions haven’t been applicable to trans-women.
Chloe struggles with the timing of biological facts and heterosexual attraction. She’s aware of her beauty and ability to seduce and attract young men, but feels her male genitalia has barricaded her from love.
advice: ordinary women struggle with being loved as well. Sometimes its difficult to love yourself wholeheartedly when fear is present, repressed or expressed, or with any outward persecution by those around us. Self-love is a task in itself, especially if we are consumed by rejection and place power in the hands of those who may never be deserving of our love. Write down a list of what you like in a boy and what you dislike.
- Most boys that like transgender women will know you are “trans” and will not want you to know, that they know you are.
- Womanhood isn’t about boys liking you, its about feeling comfortable with the momentum of your transition and living your truth. Boys won’t even pass the muster.
- Boys are the chic comfortable sofa in the living room that comes with your brand new house. If you take the sofa out, the house can still be made into a home, right? Like the sofa, the boy is an addition, and cannot complete the foundation of your house. Never forget that boys and men can never be the reason you call your own body home. Your definition of home essentially is womanhood in its purest form.
2) social pressure.
Like in your video #WeekofNatural that’s clearly a cleansing video, I would suggest going without make-up more and try more days without being dressed up. It hard for transgender women to believe this, but it puts things into perspective. If you are “glammed” up, you draw attention to yourself, whether its positive or negative. @bebe_Stores, @MACcosmetics are the perks of being a woman, they don’t create the woman.
Most women cannot wait to get home and take off that form-fitting dress or scrub that make-up off their face. Many women look for the opportunity to go natural to escape society’s conception of femininity and attractiveness.
Passable is walking down the street, knowing you’re trans, knowing you are beautiful and confident, and developing a “strong immune system” against other people’s negative thoughts. Sure, its no one’s business that you are a trans-woman, but in reality, many trans-people make it everyone’s business. And perhaps that is because you can’t go stealth due to your online celebrity, or the fact that too many people know you, will clock you, will shove unwanted attention your way just to get back at you.
You haven’t been clocked enough. When you’ve been clocked enough, you feel a level of superiority over the male and female gender. When heterosexual people clock you, they want it to mean “didn’t fool them” or “get one over on them.” For you, it should mean, they are paying close attention to your sexual position, try not to think of it as an imposition. When someone is attractive, people naturally give them more than one look. Did you know 96 % of those that clock transgender people have had intimate encounters with them? Yes, to some degree, being transgender can feel like being black in the 1800s, but luckily, the intense prejudice against transgender people has declined thanks to the Stonewall Uprising.
advice: People you know will be the first to clock you to other people, whether its intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes they will do it as a reprisal, out of anger, and sometimes out of ignorance and vindictiveness. And at other times, it will be because they are simply astonished how good you really look. This includes but is not limited to family members, false friends, and boys that are attracted to you, but don’t have the courage to tell you.
All transgender minors should have a talk with their parents about hormone replacement therapy. One of the most often cited reasons by medical providers for hesitation in providing hormone therapy to transgender individuals is the fear of harm. The review demonstrates that hormone therapy is relatively safe, at least as far as the modest literature out there can determine. Providers and parents should be reassured that the harms that do exist are relatively rare and can often be avoided with conventional monitoring.
advice: Maybe you can take a rest from “tucking” with ducktape by purchasing underwear a size smaller and wearing it together with Spanx. Ordinary women wear Spanx. This should give you the relief you need. You should only need a smooth “canvas” down below if you are wearing dresses and skirts.
4) gender dysphoria.
In some cases, estrogen or anti-androgens are available to “delay” puberty until the individual is old enough to decide how they want to proceed. This has the benefit of essentially avoiding the trauma of experiencing the physical effects of puberty in the unwanted gender. In Chloe’s documentation about her body, she says she “feels disgusted.” For trans-people, body parts and emotions loiter in violation of their own bodily ordinance.
YouTube community watches on in silence as Chloe endeavors to dry the tears of dissatisfaction and tackle gender dysphoric issues affecting herself and those around her.
advice: Watch Calperna Addams, 2008 Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual. It’s a classic and will make you laugh, and will help you forget about the “whoas” of a trans-woman life.
Hope this blog was helpful. I’d like to hear more from the transgender community on the subject of “hate being transgender.” Let’s chat about this! If I offended anyone in this article or misstated something, please contact me at I Hate Being Transgender Discussion.